I miss you. I really do. I would have called you if I could because I just couldn’t get to my writing during a pile on of extreme craziness this Spring. What started out as a little delay in my usually punctual posts to you, ended up being a full blown break from routines of all kinds around my house and life. It was like a wheel came off and we were all twirling out of control during May.
So here’s the fill in…I took an incredible trip of a lifetime to Asia (my first time) and my eyes were opened to a whole new set of sights, sounds, foods, cultural experiences and way of life. It was fascinating! It was exhilarating. Those stories will be posts in the future.
But, I really wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of end of school demands that immediately followed. There were so many things going on that needed mommy attention and focus….I literally went into ninja mom survival mode flying from teacher meeting to dermatologist appointment to dentist to grade level functions and volunteer commitments. Class parties to class graduations. My desk became a pile and my dog looked sadly at me missing our walks. Everytime I rushed past my kitchen garden, I felt guilty for the weeds choking my vegetables that were just trying to grow. It was like a frenzy to the bitter end and then the last school bell rang and everyone bolted for the door!
And then came summer. At first, I tried to sleep late but couldn’t.
Throngs of kids arrived and moved in and through my house like an amoebae and ate through my pantry like a plague of locusts. Gaming, swimming, coming, leaving.
Paperwork like health forms and packing lists and notorized, double signed scuba class or whatever forms got sent to various places after driving to the pediatrician and Fed Ex and the Apple Store (because someone always has something broken and needs to go to the Apple Store). And the stack got littler. And the graduation gifts got delivered. (A big shout out to Katie Ham who helped wrap and deliver for me this year). And the stack got littler. And the kids friends began to disperse to their summer things….youth group retreats, camps, mission trips, family vacations.
But I just couldn’t seem to get my thoughts together. They were still all scrambled. I needed sleep. Like three days of the kind of sleep that doesn’t have you wake up with a start thinking you forgot to re-enroll your kids to school next year or drop that check off to the photographer for the senior photo who told you she would cancel the contract if you didn’t drop off that check.
I needed pure sleep. To dream and then wake up to think. To roll over in my mind my goals for my blog and assess how we are doing and whether or not we are on the right track. Or a track. Any track.
And then a cat got lost in my driveway. (that was not a sentence to see if you are still paying attention).
My dog sitter was dropping off my dog and then went around to her passenger side front seat to get Sam’s dog food and a cat of another family got out of her carrier and hopped out of the car in a flash. My dog chased the cat right up a tree. After an hour of coaxing, ladders, opened cans of smelly cat food and calling Kitty Kitty….the cat wouldn’t budge. So we got a kid, my 14 year old, to climb higher than the ladder and help the cat down….just as she was almost in the arms of the pet sitter on a ladder….the cat jumped onto a limb, onto the fence and ran down it to an empty lot and disappeared. Horror. After helping search for this cat for 10 hours with the owners and the completely horrified pet sitter….no cat.
As we went to bed last night and it started to rain…a little, and lightening just a little. I thought about that cat, just a little. I mean it’s not my cat. It was chaos. Dogs barking. All of us calling and trying to call that cat out of that tree. She sat frozen….crazy eyes trolling the ground below. Panting. Yes, cats can pant. I stopped thinking about the cat.
At four in the morning, I had a cough and couldn’t go back to sleep. I got up to make some tea ….one bag of Throat Coat tea (whatever) and one bag of Breathe Easy (also whatever) and LOTS of honey. Weirdly, I decided to sit on my back porch to drink it. It was so still. Like more still and quiet than I can remember all year. I sipped tea, I prayed (which really sounded more like a Bridget Jones diary confessional I’m sure) and occasionally called for the cat. No cat.
I got up and found my Bible and went to my Living Room. Nobody sits in my living room really. Except my own two cats…Lilly and Rosie. But it has a little rotating sconce with a lampshade next to the sofa and I needed a reading light. So I grabbed my Bible, glasses and tea and sat in the Living Room. It was so so quiet. And still. I began to read some very complicated battle stories in Jeremiah with characters like the chief bodyguard to the King…son of ….and of….. Since we had watched Gladiator the night before, I pictured all of these Kings and bodyguards like that.
Then my stomach started to growl and I decided I needed a grilled cheese sandwich. I have never had a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast but I made it quickly and added hot water to my tea and carried it back to the Living Room.
Three quarters of the way through the sandwich….I woke up from daydreaming and realized….I’m three quarters of the way through this buttery, cheesy deliciousness and haven’t even tasted it because I’m lost in my thoughts. At that moment, I heard silence. Extreme silence. Everybody, even my college son, was in his bed asleep. The cats and the dog didn’t stir. I was sitting in my Living Room eating a grilled cheese sandwich on my WHITE sofa and licking my fingers and drinking tea.
And it was DELICIOUS! And it was QUIET! And that’s when I began to write again.
I hope you too are finding your equilibrium this month. I’ll let you know if the cat turns up and please don’t take it personally if I disappear occasionally….it’s just the way I regain my balance.
Hugs and Kisses,